Birthday sex.

 

It’s the eve before my birthday,

You lead me to the empty room, in your place of work

Committing our carnal sin

 

(…I am still ecstatic that you set this up all behind her back

It’s the little way that I can win

That turns my dreary days celebrative.)

 

You lock the door behind you,

Loosening your coat,

Peering at me with your usual calm

You request that I remove mine

 

Showing me the view outside from the tower

You are two feet away from me, waiting for your prey

I had no expectations, yet in every way prepared to be your prey

 

Sliding yourself behind me

You gently and firmly lock my body

Your hand gliding down my pant opening

I do not hesitate to let out an ecstatic sigh

 

Opening my bodysuit gussets,

Fully allowing you in,

Your agile fingertips strum across my clit,

My blood flows to my yoni

Pulling down your pants,

Your lingam exposed in the air,

I’ve become completely emptied,

Waiting for you to fill me

 

Your hard dick against my mound,

You seek out my cave

I do not let you struggle long

Elevating my heel so our ying and yang can mix

 

Moving in and out

Ever so slight yet so penetrative

I continue the heavy breathing

Trying hard to suppress my sounds

 

You glide into me from the front,

Then turn me around to enter me from behind

I’ve forgotten that I didn’t have much cake

Forming a curvature between my waist and buttocks,

(I am your little whore, forever)

 

Spinning me around again

You face me head-on

Your perfect sculpted face, and that astute nose

The silhouette glimmering in the dark

I do not hesitate to perfect my angle

So I can surrender my all to you.

 

Your lingam massaging my mound

Causing warmth and heat throughout my being

My canal so wet by now,

Just waiting for your manly stick to beat me into submission

 

But you choose to stop

As if if you keep going you would cum

Or get caught…I would not jeopardize you

But this feels so curtailed

 

I am waiting for you to finish,

Finish me and seize all of me away

So I can be liberated from my finite body

And merge with eternal you

 

Day 5 of the drudgery

12/29/2016

It turns my brain upside down to think that at the midst of your work day

She is the one that you attend to, either mentally or actually, first…

I gave my services, my soul, my jewels away,

To help feed HER?

 

That whenever an acquaintance runs into you,

Their conversation goes to congratulate you on your being single no more,

With such an enchanting, beautiful and intelligent woman…

Who is NOT me

 

Because of your insistence and your action that that person is NOT me

I am no longer able to view myself in any way reflective of the beauty and grace

That I thought I possessed even on a part-time basis

 

I begin to feel a deep shame toward my heritage

Develop a wish that my genes looked more like hers

The missed opportunity while my soul was incarnating,

Handed to her instead.

 

For I could have turned out such a shining diamond

Loved and desired by everyone around it

Only because of her corporeal aesthetics

An easy life paved for her, never struggles

And now you willingly and fervently giving all of you to have and keep her.

 

I keep my distance from humanity,

Analyze it but not celebrate with it

For this is the only way to protect my heart

Which cannot afford to be torn again.

 

I shall be alone, witnessing the coming and passing of corporeal bodies

Witnessing births and deaths

That are nothing but speckles in the sand

Brought here by the wind, blown away by the wind as well.

12.28.2016 still in shock.

12/28/2016

She your virgin, I your seasoned whore

 

You want to kiss those pouty lips

Those wide doe eyes without makeup

Sun-kissed skin

You want to squeeze those pointy breasts

Feel your fingers carry the weight of her full bosom

Squeeze your hard dick between her chunky buttcheeks

Her taking your essence in, letting out moans that sound like heavenly bells

Her silky hair tousled across her face and your chest

 

You want to inject your seeds into her perfect feminine roundness

Implant your genes and unite your and her lineages

You want her to carry your child and deliver him yourself

Cutting that cord, welcoming him into your godly perfect family

 

You want to give your child everything you didn’t have

Raise him to be an intelligent successful man

Breadwinning while your wife takes care of domestic duties

 

And what about me

Those were things I believed I was on the path toward doing

I primed myself to serve you for life

Take each other’s hand at the bedside until one of us dies.

Instead you remember to text me when she is busy

Copying and pasting messages to her onto our screen as you see fit

You conjure up phrases to utter to me today so I can soften up and let you in

Another second of climax, another moment of temporary amnesia where she doesn’t exist

 

And then you go back to your reality

While I was picturing myself in her place,

Were the gods and deities snickering behind clouds

“Woe is the stupidity of this being on earth”

Well I’ve been letting them gasp for air from laughing so hard

For the past nine months and counting

 

For I am just your little whore

With a decent vagina and pair of booty

But not good enough to be the trophy you would show off in town

And even me, you were seeking to replace with a more robust whore with superb techniques

 

When you walk down the aisle with your virgin queen

Just remember me, the little sacrificial sheep

Eyes slant but wide open, waiting for you to slaughter me

So I can bleed and die in bliss

 

 

 

 

 

12.27.2016 I found out.

12/27/2016

It’s been two days since I found out, the days have been long…

I wish I could close my eyes and sleep until it no longer hurts,

 

Of course you would say yes to her,

Of course you would keep her,

And possibly keep her for life.

So young, so sweet, so perfect, straight from a movie…

 

It makes sense how you came to me,

And kept coming to me

She your little yet-to-be-deflowered virgin,

I’m your seasoned whore…

Though that’s the contrast you make in your head

 

I think we are all done now, is there more to say?

Your wishing me of Merry Christmas, as phony as my lashes I put on each morning

We both can’t live on without our pretenses…

 

Does our alikeness appall you, do I make you feel even more trapped,

As two wounded souls, speaking the same language, sinking deeper into our common misery

 

You hide me so you can protect your happiness…

Do I come off as dreary, yet, perhaps you do not get or want my depth,

Which does not allow happiness without close scrutiny.

In eternality I need to forgive you, and assist you to ascend

Was it wrong to do it through our sex…

But I could not fully penetrate you mentally,

Without opening myself up for you to penetrate me physically.

2.12.2016 you are still mine.

2.12.2016

That is not me…

The skeletal sallow faced me

Is not me anymore

 

If your sex were a curse

Then I am doomed, for the better

You successfully made me a disciple

Imaging myself after you.

 

If this path means struggles

I will still walk it with the full knowledge that I can choose to smile

But from now on, my smiling is an act

Until I become the victor over you,

My path is not complete.

 

See, a fire in me got kindled,

It is burning the old me away.

Although you were the arson,

I will devour you in the flame

 

Look what you’ve created

You should be so proud

My blood in you is that poison

You just can’t cleanse away