Q: How long have you been a side chick?

A: I’ve been a side chick since March, 2016. I was unaware of being one until December, 2016.

Q: How did you feel when you found out you were a side chick?

A: I’ve always known he wasn’t committed to me, but I didn’t know he was attached and thought he was sexually exclusive with me for the majority of the time we had been having a sexual relationship. Being that I had more than just sexual feelings for him and I invested a lot in the relationship hoping one day he would ask me out, I was hard-hit by the discovery. I had had heartbreaks before, but this was a different kind. I mostly blamed myself heavily, but also felt slightly amused as there were signs and I just didn’t put the pieces together right. I was angry, but did not confront him until days later. I mostly took it onto myself to “change myself” i.e. try to look hotter and become more successful, so I could feel better in front of him and in general. Since the discovery, there had been good days and very, very bad days. On some bad days, I had trouble getting up in the morning, cried easily, and (recently) hurt myself by slapping myself hard. Honestly, I don’t look at it as his fault as much as my failure for not being able to make him make me official.

Q: Does she know about you?

A: No.

Q: Does he offer monetary or material gifts?

A: No monetary gifts. Occasionally there are very small material gifts or monetary favors.

Q: Does he take you out?

A: Not really. Sometimes we meet up in public, or do stuff together in public; but there was never a real “date.”  And when we are out, there is little physical contact.

Q: Why did you stay?

A: I get very committed and obsessed with one person and do not find other people attractive. This particular relationship is very deep. We don’t just have sex, we talk about world issues, our goals and dreams, and help each other with things related to work and everyday life. We also have a lot of touch that isn’t sexual. When you touch someone often, it’s like your energies are intertwined. A part of them comes stay with you. To leave him would be to sever an energetic body part of mine, and I know it would hurt too much. I understand the root of staying a side chick is a low self-esteem, which I admit I have.

Q: Why do you want to be a bad example to females?

A: I didn’t plan on doing this. I feel self-righteous about this as I came along before she did. At one point, he did consider asking me out. I haven’t really given up. I’m hanging on to the hope that he would come around and see the fullness of my beauty. For now, letting him go would be too painful. I’ve built my last 2+ years of life around him. Since only very few close friends know about this, I’m not “setting an example” for anyone. We are all dealing with our shit and everyone has secrets that would be shocking to others. Love is complicated, and there is truly not one right answer. Right now, being in the grey area is just easier than breaking it off.


If there are other questions you would like me to answer, feel free to ask anything. As long as I consider it appropriate and relevant, I will answer it to the best of my ability.